Volodymir Ivanovich Palahniuk? As Dracula?

Surely you can't mean Jack Palance?

Let me just say right now, that this supposedly faithful adaptation to Stoker's tale is a few rungs above absolute CRAP. Yes. CRAP. I'm not saying this because it was made for television, not on such nebulous grounds, because aesthetically it is more mounted for a feature than something DTV, but everything about it is appalling from the acting to the poor direction of it all. For a production that looks more lavish than it had any right to be, none of that money was used on correct casting or proper direction. Everything is just so incompetent I have no idea where on Earth to begin.

For one thing, given the story/script was penned by Richard Matheson (yes, the self-same Richard Matheson who wrote for 'The Twilight Zone', 'I Am Legend' AND 'Hell House') it is tremendously watered down and confused about what direction it wants to take. Of course everything may have looked fantastic on paper given Matheson's considerable skill as an author, but methinks a lot got lost in translation when it came to filming his writing for the screen. Reminds me a little of how Stephen King's works have fared- you get some doozies, you get some not-too-shabbies and you get some pretty-damn-impressives, however, it all comes back to how effectively the work is adapted for a visual medium and how the material is handled. Here, it comes off as almost a shock that Matheson was responsible for the rabble we watch on screen.

Given there are worse versions out there, but for something so well-known and over-lauded, the casting is a crime.
Who in their right mind would cast Jack Palance as Dracula? It's not because of Palance's looks that misfires the role, but Palance's persona and the fact he is being forced to resort to absolute hammage, even worse, he isn't even having fun as he overacts in every scene. There is not one ounce of threat in his performance- not for one second did I buy him as a potential danger to any other character, the only element of danger he brought to the part was the fact he whipped his cape around so much you'd swear he'd give himself whiplash. The way he ridiculously postures in every sequence he's in is painful to witness, and you'd swear he was reading his lines from a cue card just off-screen. I personally don't hate Palance, but I hate him in such an iconic and pivotal role. Say what you will, but whoever is cast as Dracula shapes the rest of the picture, not to mention how the rest of the cast plays off them, and in this case, Palance is perhaps the most serious liability that has absolutely no redeeming moments.

                                               Please, do us all a favor and just get in there.

That being said, it's not entirely his fault.

Director Dan Curtis has stripped away the supernatural elements that are crucial to a Dracula picture. His biggest mistake was directing Palance to be a soley physical force, that is, Dracula doesn't use his other abilities such as hypnosis, shape-shifting and powers of suggestion. He just sweeps into each scene throwing people aside like a mere mortal man would. For somebody who previously directed genre works such as 'The Strange Case of Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hyde', 'Frankenstein', 'The Night Stalker' and 'Burnt Offerings' all of the mysticism of Dracula has been firmly watered down. I wonder what possessed him to take such a route.

The rest of the cast doesn't come off any better either. Nigel Davenport, who, I suppose plays Van Helsing is so weak-willed that it defies the essense of what the character is all about. Van Helsing is meant to be Dracula's equal, he does not shy from the challenge of hunting Dracula down and killing him, but here, Davenport is hopeless. In a scene when Van Helsing confronts Dracula with a cross, Palance rumbles through his obviously fake dentures "Throw it away!" and a very chastised Van Helsing mutters "All right.". WTH?! I don't think so. For something that was meant to be a clash of the titans, it came across as more of a confrontation between two schoolboys over a soccer ball.

I'm not even gonna talk about the rest of the supporting cast because they really are not worth mentioning at all. You'd think I am exaggerating, but I'm being truthful by saying the less said about these folks the better because they are simply there.

The Dracula fan in me wanted to like this production. Really, she did. She was willing to get over the strange casting of the grizzled warhorse Palance, but in the end, this was a seriously missed and wasted opportunity to offer up a strong television adaptation of such a classic work where money was vested more in making things look authentic rather than finding the best talent to showcase in it.

Trivia: Talk about ironic- Jack Palance admitted to being glad once the film was completed. A method actor, he felt that he was "becoming" Dracula more than he wanted. HAHAH! Well...

End Of An Era

You will either find 'The Satanic Rites of Dracula' extremely awesome or extremely idiotic simply because of how... inventive it is. Rather of Dracula simply being content to hunt down quivering virgins (yeah, tough luck of that happening in the 70's), the Count's ambitions actually soar a lot higher than you'd expect. Dracula wants to destroy the world. Count Dracula has had it with the world he lives in as well as his quasi-immortality. Rather than skip into the sunlight, he wants to not just take himself out, but everybody else, seeing it ultimately as a mercy... or that's what I gathered from such a bombastic scheme. And rather than using vampirism to do it, he uses something a lot closer to home- the pestilence. Holy shit. Dracula isn't just pissed in this one- he's completely certifiable.

                                                                  Say whaaaaaaaa?

This being the final installment of the Lee Dracula canon, it's only predictable that all involved in the production wanted to go out with a bang, and depending on how you took my above description, you will either come freely or go safely (get it?). Given the sour taste Dracula AD left in my mouth, I was only too happy to forget that film's crap by going into this one with some shred of optimism. Despite being a direct sequel to AD, it mercifully has little to do with the previous film, despite being set in the same time period and using the same central characters (Dracula, Lorrimer Van Helsing and his granddaughter Jessica). What we have here is a bizzare combination of science fiction, horror and suspense thriller, to say it's boring would be untrue. Hammer is actually going for something new here, and despite how too little, too late this final entry was, I must say it was a lot of fun to watch. I can appreciate how you may feel this movie will be an utter waste of your time just going by the premise alone, but in order to see what I see, you will have to watch it for yourself, then decide.

                                                 Take your time, Dracula's getting lucky.

While it all starts simply enough, it's not long before we are sucked into Dracula's version of the Final Solution. Undertaking another identity, he works behind the scenes like a malicious Wizard of Oz, leading the Van Helsings and a policeman caught up in the thick of it, into a frantic race against time to not only put an end to a wave of Satanic cult killings, but also to prevent Dracula from embarking on his global murder/suicide. It almost plays out like a supernatural Tom Clancy/John La Carre novel, using spy-work, infiltration, detective work and a huge dose of paranoia to show that the world is bound for imminent apocalypse. To be perfectly frank, it's not as action-packed as it sounds, it's actually more about exposition and theories, but before you shrink away, Peter Cushing is the undisputed star of this movie. He carries all of it and it is his presence and his performance that keeps you interested. Yes, it sounds ridiculous and a little tedious judging from all the talking that takes place, but by God, it was quite a return to form for Lee's Dracula series that I thought it was almost brilliant. It's not a perfect film and it truly does jump the shark, but this wild new spin makes you sit up and take notice. I must say, it really was an end of an era because this was the last time Lee and Cushing appeared in their signature roles, and their curtain calls are certainly worthy. Dracula wins back the menace he had in the earlier films, and Van Helsing is truly consumed by his destiny to destroy Dracula once and for all. It's almost like Michael Meyers and Doctor Loomis from 'Halloween', only... more awesome. There, I said it.

                                                                    To the bitter end...


In saying that, what you truly can't ignore is that it was as if this film was written first, plot wise, with Dracula being added as an after thought. It's to be expected at this point, so whatever gripe you may have with this movie can't be measured on that alone. However, rather than giving us another stupid regeneration sequence, he just shows up and we don't see him again until the last 20 minutes of the picture. Not necessarily a bad thing considering Hammer finally stepped out of the kiddy pool by something different, but given this was the final Dracula film Lee would appear in, and given his plan is pretty much the foundation of the movie, one would think that he would have been given more screentime. In saying that however, Lee didn't show up a whole lot in Horror of Dracula, a good move considering Dracula was meant to be an elusive creature. In SROD, he doesn't really make an appearance as Dracula himself, but rather, he assumes a false identity (though it's still evidently Lee) in order to set Lorrimer and Jessica Van Helsing off his trail. It's a bit of a confusing move, but in contrast to the tomfoolery that occurred in AD, it's an understandable move, if not a forgiven one.
I also must say that Joanna Lumely makes for a far better Jessica Van Helsing than her younger predecessor Stephanie Beachum- the character has her grandfather's determination and intelligence, plus the attributes of a liberated woman of the era. A welcome change from the female victims that littered the films previously.

Ultimately, this is a much inferior film considering the brilliance of the earlier installments, but as a matter of perspective, it made an admirable effort to clean up the dog spew that AD hurled up on our shoes. It's likely that you will laugh this movie into the ground, but if you are in a charitable mood, this may be a very, very fun and inventive film, despite how simply outrageous it all is. Is it a worthy ending? No. Is it better than what it should have been? Definitely.