The Blair OHSHIT Project

'The Blair Witch Project' doesn't offer anything new that could be considered original, but it's a personal belief of mine it's not the idea that truly matters, it's how the idea is executed. Although this film has been subject to countless parodies by now, what a lot of people don't quite remember is how chilling the film itself actually is.


I believe what makes this movie truly pop is the fact it plays on one of the most basest of human fears- being lost and afraid. Sure, we as the audience would say "Oh, if I were in that situation, I would (insert whatever brain child strategy here)" but when left in such a desperate and frightening situation with Heather, Mike and Josh, emotions take the reigns and well-laid plans are laid waste pretty darn quickly. In their misguided youthful wisdom, and a massive dose of their own self-overestimation, the three college students assumed they were well-prepared for their little adventure in the woods, but their overconfidence soon gives way to a steady progression of a mental breakdown that is captured in full on camera. It goes without saying that all three actors ran with the vague outline they were given and went above and beyond the call of duty performance wise. An obvious example of this is Heather Donohue's 'confession' sequence, filming herself with the most unflattering angle for any actor and just going full-bore with the waterworks. It's parodied so much, but Donohue truly puts herself out there in that short yet memorable scene and I have nothing but admiration for her.

Joshua Leonard and Michael Williams aren't afraid to dive right into the maelstrom, they aren't token jocks/geeks/dicks or anything most horror films pass as male characters- these could be guys you know. One moment you love them, the next you think they are all total dickheads. When affairs take a turn for the worse, they are down right scared- no macho fronts, no heroic speeches or cheesey lines. These men are frightened, just like Heather. You don't see a lot of men being truly fearful for their lives in cinema and it's refreshing to see these two guys lay bare their emotional states in such a way you are right there with them.

                                               Mental breakdown in T-Minus 15 seconds...


Ahhh, but what of the frights? Well, there is plenty of freaky fare to go around. Obviously nothing about this movie is in your face scare-wise, but that is never to suggest it's not there, because oh, it is. If the initial premise of getting lost in the wilds of nature without a clue how to survive isn't enough, when the trio descend deeper into the woods, all manner of frightening things happen, things that can't be explained. At first it is distant noises outside their tent, then the noises come closer, they assume the form of the human voice and they start to find that their equipment has either gone missing or been strewn across their campsite. And that is just the beginning of it.- the further they flounder, the more disturbing things become. Whatever it is that is menacing these young people isn't playing around- it's hunting them down as if they were weakened gazelles. It means BUSINESS.

                                                                  
At first they dismiss all of this as a prank, some idiots who just want to scare them, but the days grow longer, food becomes sparse and time grows short and it becomes apparent that whatever is out there means them harm. They aren't just lost in the woods- they are lost in time. The most horrifying thing is, instead of banding together to combat whatever it is, the stress of the situation gradually begins to tear the already tenuous ties that bind apart.


It goes without saying the Burkittsville forest in itself is a character. When the three students first start their trek, it is green with lush shrubbery, full of life with birds singing, you can hear creeks bubbling nearby and it is as beautiful as you would expect nature at it's best to be. As things get worse though, you start to notice that the trees are bare of leaves, their branches not unlike cruel, sharp claws. You can't hear any water flowing and the song of birds is mysteriously absent. It must have been something for the three actors to experience these locations, especially because of how influential it was to their performances. Another creative move on the film makers part (the actual directors) was the clever move of using both professional actor plants and regular people in the town where Heather, Josh and Mike go to gain testimony regarding the Blair Witch legend because it adds a nifty little sense of authenticity. Unless you knew who the plants were, you'd think they were all regular folk humoring (and perhaps having a little fun with) these college students.

Ignoring the subsequent slew of imitators, 'The Blair Witch Project' really is a rare beast, dare I say, a contemporary classic of it's genre. Although not all reception has been positive and in it's favor, let's look at it from this perspective- if a movie spawns hundreds of like-minded offspring, it is because it has true credence and such a property is far too profitable to let be. Every single movie craze starts with one memorable cornerstone, and while 'The Blair Witch Project' was not the first of the found-footage genre, it was and always will be a stalwart of it's kind.


BTW: I actually didn't think it's comparatively Hollywood sequel 'Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows' was too bad either, but that's a story for another day.

A Story About Grief

First and foremost, if you consider yourself a 'true blue' horror fan, turn away now, because the marketing of this movie was hideously misleading. The international trailer promised thrills and chills, but I assure you, this film native to my country is nothing of the sort. This is a ghost story, but first and foremost, it is a story about the heartbreak of grief and the effects it has on us when it goes unresolved.
Shot in the format of a mockumentary/fakementary in the style of a news investigation, visually it's something we have all seen before, but in 'Lake Mungo's case, it is completely appropriate.

A close-knit family in rual Australia have just recently lost a beloved family member, Alice (Talia Zucker) in tragic and unseemly circumstances. They are looking for clues, answers, anything to give them peace of mind about Alice's untimely death. However, things aren't always as they seem, in fact, they are considerably more disturbing than they ever hoped to imagine, as various elements of her personal life come to light as the investigation progresses. Details about Alice's passing are dug up, as are details about her life, details that her family never even conceived of, and thus they come to grips with their own views of mortality.

                                           Imagine if this was somebody you love... or yourself.

In a way, director Joel Anderson owes somewhat to David Lynch's 'Twin Peaks' but rather make this film a mind-bender, it is more of a mind-infiltrator- little by little, 'Lake Mungo' travels under your skin by utilizing it's story and it's actors to maximum effect- grief is a universal sensation, and when it comes to losing somebody you love, be it a family member, friend or even a pet, you feel it. It can be encompassing, oppressive and it can make you feel utterly powerless, and it is these feelings that 'Lake Mungo' strives hard to achieve and for the most part, it is startlingly successful because it hits so close to the heart of all of us. The fact this movie is a ghost story is just part of the context- yes there are apparitions and disturbing moments that we can't explain, but the true horror comes from the reality of loss. There are no 'jump' moments, or heavy-breathing psychos or one-dimensional caricatures of humans, Anderson has chosen to conduct his film with a great sensitivity and the notion that less is more. He presents this film with great maturity and consideration not for money shots, but for the people.

As mentioned before the characters in the film aren't stereotypes- they are people, people who you could have known or may know. They don't spurt clever, hip dialogue, they don't cater to any particular gaze, the actors take their roles very seriously and not once does a performance feel forced or hackneyed. Of particular interest is Rosie Traynor as Alice's mother, June who is for the most part the anchor of the piece, given June has arguably taken Alice's death deeper than anybody else in her family, her story, her role and her point of view is that of ours. As she, her family and the news crew delve deeper into Alice's life, as do we.
Another character is not a human whatsoever, but it is the titular Lake Mungo itself, an actual place here in Australia that was thought to have been the first settlement of our human ancestors. Eerie yet beautiful, it has a distinct aura of deep wisdom as well as uncertainty. Legend has it that water is seen as a symbol of death as well as a means to travel through alternate realms, the Afterlife in particular.

On the downside, while several mysteries are resolved, other are not, namely a crucial incident in Alice's alternate lifestyle that comes as a shock. I won't reveal it for obvious reasons, but as we get closer to the penultimate aspect of Alice's fate, this other point is put on the back-burner that leaves you wondering why it was ever included in the first place if nothing else truly comes of it. It was rather disappointing because it truly gave insight to how troubled young Alice was in her final days. Another element that may be off-putting is that this is a slow-burner- it takes it's sweet time to reveal itself, and even then, not all questions will be answered. Those who like their mysteries to be obvious and their ghost stories thrilling and chilling, this isn't the ideal film for your tastes- 'Lake Mungo' is a mediation on humans dealing with tragedy, not demonic beasties from another realm.

The supernatural may at times be frightening, but in the endgame, what truly gets us the most are ourselves, especially when it comes to the loss of those we love. How do we react? What do we do? Do we do anything at all? And most importantly, how do we deal? Even if we know the truth may hurt us, we can't help but want to find a resolution, to find closure, because we want peace of mind, no matter what the cost may be. It is here that 'Lake Mungo' excels- this story isn't a blood-soaked scream, but whisper in your ear in the darkness of the beyond.

Trivia: The most chilling quote in the entire movie may sound bland without context, but when you see it in the movie, it not only makes sense, it will be sure to make your spine tingle: "I feel like something bad is going to happen to me... it hasn't reached me yet, but it's on it's way."


Trivia II: Unsurprisingly, the uncreative big cheeses in Hollywood want to remake this one. Good luck you lazy prats.

The things we do for love...

The 80's was perhaps the best time to be a Freddy/Jason/Michael. No matter how paper thin your plot was, people came to see blood and cheese and expected nothing but mindless entertainment from you and your hapless, screaming horny teens. However, an unexpected dark horse arrived on the scene: 'Hellraiser'. Nobody quite knows where he came from or what exactly he stood for, but shit, he goes around tearing people up with hooks dressed in S&M leather with sharp pins lodged in his face, he HAS to be part of the grain!

Well no, actually. While the subsequent sequels of the franchise were most certainly a wonderful excuse to show off some creative red stuff, the first film is quite a different beast. For one thing, it was directed by the very man who wrote the novel 'The Hellbound Heart' which the film was based on: Clive Barker. Secondly, although Pinhead is perhaps the most iconic figure of the series, he is only in the film for at least 15 minutes, and even then, the movie wasn't about him. This movie was, and still is, a drama first and foremost. A ROMANTIC drama.

English fish out of water Julia has just married the loving and kindly American Larry Cotton and has moved into a new house to start a new life, however, Julia is still in love with Frank, Larry's sexual deviant brother, who passed away under mysterious circumstances. Julia is trying to settle in to married life and is attempting to  bond with Larry's daughter Kirsty when she makes a harrowing discovery- Frank is alive... yet not altogether whole.

                                                                      Frank: This is him. 


Julia, upon getting over her shock, is overjoyed when he tells her that they can be together again if she promises to keep his existence a secret, and if she brings unsuspecting schmucks back for him to kill and absorb their bodies to help repair his own. This is all going dandy (well, as it can be) until Frank tells Julia to sacrifice her husband, his brother. After this final sacrifice, Frank will become whole again and they will be together forever more. However, therein lies a dilemma- the mysterious entity Pinhead and his Cenobites will come a huntin' for him because of his cheating death, because the way they see it, Frank is robbing them their eternal due.

                                     Pictured left to right: Nemesis, Pinhead and Dan Ackroyd


There is no hiding the fact that this film boasts some truly off-the-wall, nightmarish shit with amazing visual effects. Bodies are blamelessly torn apart and Hell dimensions are opened, but believe it or not, it is the lead human characters who truly run this show. Clive Barker is no stranger to dealing with transgressions that plague humanity in his writings, and in this case, none of his notions are lost, a major rarity when it comes to horror films based off novels. Naturally, it all depends on how you view this film, but more often than not, 'Hellraiser' proves that horror, and it's characters for that matter, can be intelligent and relatable. The character of Pinhead himself isn't a wise-cracking asswipe, nor is he a silent momma's boy who wears a mask hacking up shrieking, big-breasted blondes. He is verbose, complicated and completely rational, you could almost argue he is perhaps the most sanest mind in the entire movie. Rather than coming across as an inefficient, single-minded killing machine, on the film poster, he's described as "... Demon to some, Angel to others" it's this kind of ambiguity that separates him from the typical boogeyman. In this movie, he actually comes off as a neutral force who just wants his payment, not bloody revenge. I would be remiss however if I didn't also mention the other actors, because they truly do carry the film. Andrew Robinson (yes, Scorpio from 'Dirty Harry')  brings a likeable, affable presence to the film, Ashley Laurence, Kristy, really is a wonderful surprise. Her character comes off as completely natural and not once does she resort to bimbo behavior, I LOVED her. However, major credit must be given to Claire Higgins, Julia. The woman is absolutely formidable to watch. Her proper demeanor has a distinctly classical sense of sinister beneath it that is hard to ignore. She was hateful, but at the same time, you could still understand her reasoning for her more extreme actions.

While there is no denying you could put a time-stamp on this movie by merely looking at it (hellooooooo shoulderpads!), and while it is not an utter masterpiece in every sense of the word and it may even come off to some as utterly pretentious, 'Hellraiser' is a seminal part of horror cinema that is more inclined towards telling a story with a view to real characters rather than how much blood can be spilled and how wide their bodies can be torn apart.

                                                                   Cheer up, bro.

What Happens When You Sleep?

You know, so much has been said about this film by so many people that the only new thing I can add are my own thoughts on Oren Peli's surprise smash 'Paranormal Activity'.

Look, I really enjoyed it. It was by no means original, and it was by no means revolutionary in terms of the demonic possession/menace genre, but I feel it cops worse flack that it deserves. For one thing, considering the very very modest budget of this movie, Peli ensured every one of his dollars were well invested. He didn't have the technology to whip out the fright effects that the second one had, but he still had a lot of tricks up his sleeve. While there are slighly CGI manipulations in the movie, it doesn't take a front seat in the proceedings. The only major effects that can be seen throughout this movie are the actors, Katie Featherstone and Micah Sloat. Peli really did strike gold with these two because off the bat, they shared a genuine sense of chemistry in how they talked and acted around each other. They didn't so much play up their characters to the camera, but more to each other. They really did act like a couple who had been together for a long time- their daily interactions, how they joked around with each other and finally how they coped under the closing fist of the demon. I felt Katie and Micah (the characters) were real human beings rather than caricatures. Now, I know the characters really divided audiences- some folks have said that Micah was a jerk for not taking the threat of the demon seriously (and yeah, he does quite a few things to infuriate it despite Katie's warnings to stop), while others have said Katie is the one to blame (like she should have told him about her little 'problem' of the demon following her every where she goes... well okay, but how would you explain THAT on the first date?).  And of course, there are some people who can't see the point of view of either (to which I say, how about you find yourself a demon to hunt you, see how apathetic you are then)

                                                    These two could have been you, too.

There have been complaints along the lines of, ya know, "Why don't they just move out?" but it's not as simple as that- as Katie explains, this demon has been haunting her all of her life, where she goes, it goes, and she has tried to cope for so long. While I was in the former Micah-hater club, I never found either character to be in the right or wrong- when you are dealing with demonic entities, forces beyond your comprehension, what CAN you do? If this demon's hold is so strong that to summon an exorcist will only enhance it's negative influence, how do you act? How do you protect the ones you love? This is all purely metaphorical discussion, but this point I want to bring up against these points that have been made in previous reviews/arguments.

Another thing that struck me that despite the fact it loses it's initial fright factor after your first viewing (unless you have a weak stomach), the eeriness is still prevalent, and it's not necessarily JUST about the demoinc bits- one of my favourite sequences is when Micah wakes up in the middle of the night to find Katie downstairs in the backyard sitting on the chairswing in a drowsy trance-like state. There are no funny noises or shadowy figures rushing past the camera, it's just this strange, off-putting behaviour exhibited by Katie. We know it's the demon that made her do it, but she isn't spewing projectile vomit or talking in strange tongues- we can only guess how she got there, but we never know. I LOVED that. Another favourite- Micah finding a photograph of young Katie in the attic only for Katie to contend that this picture had been burned in a fire in her youth- if that is the case, where did the demon get this picture and why was it in the attic of all places? Was that it's lair or was it a malignant joke on it's part to throw the couple off balance? Another case? The footprints. "But Boomkat, those were birdy feet! They were funny!" I hear you say. Well sure, they may look like that, but did they really give any indication as to what this creature truly looked like? Demons have the ability to fuck with humans as if it were a sport- they love tricking humans who they deem below their own intellect, making them question what they see and feel. If you ask me, those footprints were another idea for the demon's sick jokes. And of course, another favourite moment/s of mine is when Katie gets out of bed, under the demon's influence and stands over Micah's side of the bed, staring down at him for several hours, unmoving (so effective was this moment that Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin parodied it with hilarious results for the Golden Globes :-D).

                                               This demon is a real dick when it does THIS.

But as much as I appreciated the subtlety, I still am a sucker for intensity, and when Katie is violently dragged out of bed and taken down the hallway, her screaming for dear life as Micah tries in vain to get her back. Yeah, some have said this is sell out material, but I am more than willing to buy it because once again, the actors sell it, especially Featherstone. Which brings me to the ending/s.

*SPOILERS*


*SPOILERS*


Still reading? Okay. Now, some of you have probably heard about the two endings of this movie, the cinematic and the alternate ending found primarily on DVD. The cinematic ending had the fully possessed Katie kill Micah offscreen only to carry him back up to the room and THROW his lifeless body at the camera. Demon Katie gets down on all fours, sniffing at Micah's body before lunging at the camera, her face twisted with demonic glee. Peli used this ending at Steven Spielberg's behest, but so many people criticise it. We will get back to this in a moment.
The alternate (and the ending that techincally makes a lot more sense and is more disturbing) has Katie killing Micah downstairs with a kitchen knife before trudging back up the stairs to the room and sit by the bed in a waking comatose state, rocking. A friend comes over, supposedly sees Micah's body downstairs and alerts the police. The police break into the room, Katie gets up, knife in hand only to be gunned down. Yeah, that was a pretty damn good ending, and one that made the most sense, but I feel the 'money shot' ending is unfairly harranged. For one, what was REALLY wrong with it? Was it because we finally saw SOME kind of form of this demon that broke the mystique of the creature? Because that is all I can think of- if you ask me, the effect of Demon Katie was actually quite well done- you can't tell you didn't stop and step through those final few seconds to get a good look at that face. Considering all of the other sell out endings we have been served in mainstream FX-laden movies, this is hardly a crime against humanity. Okay, sure, the police ending was a lot bleaker, but I for one love those pay offs as long as they are done with a measure of subtlety. It's not as if Demon Katie began to ate Micah's body, tearing it apart and roaring in triumph and beating it's chest. If you honestly think that is the "WORST ENDING EVAR!1!" you obviously haven't seen that many film endings. I would say that Peli didn't step in the doo when he took Spielberg's advice- sure a bit of the impact was lost, but the piece was never in danger of being irrevocably damaged.

Pidgeon-hole me as you please, but I for one was glad to see this movie- it may be a flavour of the decade for a while, but I feel it will hold up longer than what so many folks give it credit for. When it comes to showing a movie that involves demonic possession without showing the demon in full itself, 'Paranormal Activity' makes a highly admirable attempt while still keeping things on the reals.

(BTW, a note those idiots who think Katie Featherstone is 'fat'- You are all sad, bitter little bitchy individuals. That is all.)

Do You Read Sutter Cain?

'In The Mouth of Madness' is a film by John Carpenter that has a special place in my heart, not because it was panned badly upon it's release (WHY?!) but because it shows Carpenter at his best when he has control of his project with minimal interference by high-faloutin' studios. It is not necessarily a scary movie (at least not to me), but it has a brilliant unsettling atmosphere to it, why, one could almost say this movie is what would have happened if Carpenter and H.P Lovecraft met...

Because it IS! :-D

In 2003, John Carpenter wrote a introduction to a comic book that told a fictional account of Lovecraft's life, saying- "Most people who have watched my movies will notice my recognition of [those footprints of Howard Phillips Lovecraft]. From Innsmouth references in 'The Fog', to the general premise of 'In The Mouth of Madness', I have used the tools of cinema to put my own spin on the Lovecraftian mythos." This being such an obvious statement aside, his sonnet to Lovecraft in this movie is certainly fit to be considered Lovecraftian because it does stay true to Lovecraft's unique brand of terror all the while keeping Carpenter in his horror element.

John Trent (Sam Neill) works for a book publishing firm (with none other than Charleton Heston as his manager in an inspired cameo), and when one of their most distinguished and popular clients, Sutter Cain, goes missing, complete with his manuscripts, Trent and a fellow collegue Styles, (Julie Carmen) track Cain's last known whereabouts to Hobb's End, a sleepy little town that does not show up on any map. Once there, they look for the elusive Cain, but find many other things in his stead, strange things... frightening things.

 Item A

Item B

I'm not going to say any more than that plot-wise, but trust me, this movie deserves a better reputation than what it already has. While fellow director Stuart Gordon is the go-to guy when it comes to modernizing Lovecraft for today's audiences, Carpenter's passion for the writer's work is evident. Some of you may be familiar with Carpenter's Apocalpyse Trilogy which involves 'The Thing', 'Prince of Darkness' and this film, all of which deal with the end of the human race due to means we cannot and perhaps wouldn't want to understand. In this case, the apocalypse is brought around by a work of fiction that is so powerful that it ends up turning the world and the people who live in it upside down. In this case, it is Cain's wild tales of monsters, dimensional travel and age-old cosmic beings that bring forth the twilight of humanity. A belief that I have is that all of Carpenter's films have some sly satirical edge (excluding the obvious context of 'They Live!'), in 'Madness's case, it is a commentary on religion and how fundamentalist mass belief can bring about destruction. When you consider a religious work such as The Bible, what is, at least from an academic point of view, a fairy tale book, despite it's fantastical tales, people out there believe this book to be the truth, or at least parts of it. The result of such a blind belief has been countless wars, unresolved disputes, double standards on top of countless other atrocities, all because of folks who take an idea and twist it to suit their means, never taking into consideration the needs of others. On a lesser (but still, in my opinion, destructive :P) scale, the 'Twilight' phenomenon has taken the world by storm, and there are girls (and older women) out there who want their very own Edward Cullen, on the real. How scary is that?!

Terrifying...

Waxing philosophical aside (and really, I could go on and on about the discrepencies about the interpretation of religion and faith), this is a fine horror film with likeable performances, trippy visual effects and a compelling narrative. You may not piss your pants and you may sleep just fine after you see it, but this is one of Carpenter's best films of the 90's that still rings loud and clear today. If you are a horror fan, do yourself a favour and see it. You will be rewarded. To those critics who panned this movie due to your narrow-mindedness and likewise sense of perspective, I ask you...

Do you read Sutter Cain? >:-D

Edward, meet Valek, Valek, eviscerate Edward

Ordinarily, a film known as a 'guilty pleasure' is one that somebody really loves but is too ashamed to admit because they know how silly it is even if it does have moments of awesomeness. Given I really have no shame as far as my tastes are concerned, film lovers, here is my confession: I adore John Carpenter's last film of the 90's 'Vampires'.

Back in 1998, Carpenter was steadily travelling down the slope of commercial decline- 'Escape From LA', 'Village of the Damned' and 'In The Mouth of Madness' had been spanked like babies at the box office (in regards to 'Madness' I really must ask why), leaving even the most steadfast of fans questioning whether Carpenter truly had what it took. When he made 'Ghost of Mars' in 2001, he all but dropped off the edge of the Earth, save for a couple of interviews and giving his blessings on the inevitable remakes of his earlier greats such as 'The Fog' (UGH) and 'Assault on Precinct 13' (very respectable!). He has since made 'The Ward' that was released without much fanfare last year (I have yet to see that), but I digress.

'Vampires' is brash, bloody, border misogynistic, and absolutely rambunctious, but in my eyes, it's a jam of a movie. Carpenter has made it no secret in his movies that he loves Westerns- he has somehow managed to slide his own homages to Hawks, Wayne and Peckinpah into almost all of his movies. Perhaps it was this film's over the top attitude that didn't win audiences over when it was released in cinemas. In response to this revelation, I say: this flick was never meant to be some deep insight of the human spirit in times of adversity- this is a popcorn movie that actually had it's fang firmly in cheek. This movie has screaming, animalistic vampires ripping through human beings like they were butter (no sparkles or lost loves here!), gaudy red blood splashing the walls of seedy hotels, macho vampire hunters weilding oversized crossbows and enormous silver tipped stakes, all to the sound of Western blues music. No, this movie ain't for everybody but to me it's tarnished gold.

Jack Crow (James Woods) heads a Vatican-funded vampire hunting squad stationed in New Mexico. These hardened mercenaries are paid oodles of money to hunt down vampire nests and subsequently exterminating all of the undead souls that live in them. Think of them as Blackwater (only perhaps with a few more morals as evidenced with these 'Rules' they adhere when it comes to efficient vampire hunting). However, despite these rules, what Jack and his team aren't prepared for is that the big bad booty vampire Daddy Valek had just about had the last straw and he comes looking for revenge...

                                 But not before he gets into trouble using velcro and a trampoline.

Small sob story- Despite some low key advertising, this movie was not shown in my hometown at the time which greatly bumed me. I had followed the progress of the movie when stills surfaced online and I was literally counting down the days. I went so far as to write to the cinema asking if they would ever screen it and they said they would show it for one night during a fucking midnight screening during a week night. WHUT? And this was a few days before my birthday- yeah, I was heartbroken. So finally, when it was released on video, all but ZOOMED into Blockbuster, watched it and love was born.

One of the best things about this movie from a horror fiend's point of view is that a great many of the effects are practical, sometimes made on the set. If you're familiar with KNB make up, you will know they specialise in some truly wet stuff, and in 'Vampires' they seriously don't lag. You get shot off hands spewing viscous black fluid, stringy intestines hanging out of bodies and thick blood geysering left and right. In perhaps one of the most greatest scenes that shows an example of this, when the ultra pissed off Valek (Thomas Ian Griffith) crashes a celebration party held by the slayers, he rips through everybody in the room with relish. It's a brief sequence to be sure, but boy does it count. Another credit to the vampires in this movie is that there are no sparkles, no interviews, no long lost loves- these vampires are animals. They have long, pointed incisors, translucent pale skin with veins streaking across their flesh, claws for nails and just over all meeeeeaaannn attitudes. The only vampires that have truly matched the ones in this movie are the '30 Days of Night' vamps. I would dare to say that if Valek and his crew met the Cullens, there wouldn't even be one smidge of sparkle left on the ground because Valek's pack would thoroughly extinct them.

Now, halfway through the movie, the momentum slows down and the vampires somewhat take a backseat as it focuses on Crow and his remaining allies trying to track Valek down thanks to a burgeoning psychic connection a bitten hooker Katrina (Sheryl Lee, yes, LAURA PALMER) has (BTW, how and where Valek bites Katrina... holy heck... I bet you any amount of money that you have not seen that done in any vampire movie to date). This is perhaps where another element of criticism the movie has earned come from- there is very little physical action, but you know, the middle doesn't feel like some filler. At least it takes the time out to explain the origins of the vampires and to concentrate on Katrina's turning rather than shoves a couple of sentences in our faces and goes on it's merry way. Another factor on top of this is Katrina's treatment. She is basically regarded as an object, a piece of meat, who just happens to have what Jack needs to find Valek. She is slapped, pushed and stripped down by Jack and his second in charge Tony Montoya (Daniel Baldwin). No doubt, women who are sensitive to these matters will find this extremely offensive, and in that regard, I don't blame them, however, she is also the most human anchor we have in this movie. She may not do a lot of arse kicking or spits one liners, but her metamorphis is handled in such a way you feel her pain. As time goes on, Montoya develops a deep sympathy for her plight and defends her honor when Jack gives her a difficult time. No, it's not the most believable love story, but the fact that we can relate most to Katrina negates the idea that John Carpenter is a secret woman hater.

Another point that does demand some attention is that when the end comes,  it really is anti-climatic. I was expecting an all out battle of the giants between Crow and Valek, only to have a resolution that felt perhaps the most tacked on plot point of the movie. It's not wholly unforgivable, but come on- the movie has built up to this moment, but it doesn't deliver, a pity.

                                        This doesn't stop Woods from being a bad mofo though

Although this movie is arguably more about the slayers as opposed to the vampires, Valek and his pack still get some fantastic moments, one of them being when the big daddy himself and several of his lieutenants rise from the dirt as the sun sets. Apparently, the special effects folks formulated small box devices that the vampire actors wore over their faces while they were buried under a few inches in earth to provide them with air. Regards to not just the effects crew but also the actors- being buried in the earth, however only a few inches deep is a scary prospect, but that fear doesn't show in the sequence.

So okay, this film ultimately is very goofy and quite offensive, and really, the modest budget does show at times that you can have a good laugh at it's expense. Also, the dialogue, for all of it's heart and humor is pretty corny and eye-roll inducing, and the fact James Woods wears incredibly tight denim jeans will either make you chortle or chunder, but you know, as they say, what is one person's trash is another person's pleasure and I don't think I will ever hate 'Vampires' because it's the type of trash I consider a contemporary B-grade classic.

The Case For Event Horizon

The following opinion/argument/rationalization/waste of your time is strictly my own. In no way am I speaking for any other person than myself.






Paul W.S Anderson these days could be considered Public Enemy #1 in the genre world. He has ticked off many fans with his adaptations of pre-established franchises such as 'Resident Evil' and 'Alien Vs. Predator' (though the sequel by the Brothers Strausse was infinitely more horrendous). He is a director who seems to value style over substance and doesn't appear to listen to the people who he tries to make these movies for. On top of that, as a writer, let's just say that the fanfiction I write could run circles around his, though obviously he gets paid and I don't. Additionally, he's married Action Amazon Milla Jovovich. What a prick.

But fifteen years ago, he made a delightfully vicious little movie that gave him considerable promise as a film maker: 'Event Horizon'. While by no means could it possibly be considered a bonafide classic or original (it is so chock full of references to other movies that it would make a film buff's head spin), over the years, it has gained a significantly huge cult audience and deservedly so- for all of it's homages (or deriviations) it is also a solid science fiction/horror/thriller that overall achieves what it sets out to do- to surprise, to delight, to disgust and to disturb. Let me emphasize the ways:

                                                                  
                                                                              The Cast

Laurence Fishburne. Sam Neill. Jason Isaacs. Although they were not what could have ordinarily been considered box office draws, they played their roles straight with no wink wink, nudge nudge. While this is at heart a B-Movie (and what genre movie ISN'T?), the performances are very solid that you give a damn about their characters through the progression of the movie. On top of that, nobody in this movie is super-human, which means, they can be killed any moment, something Anderson discarded in 'Resident Evil' when he conceived the glorified Mary Sue known as Alice.

 

The Ship

Come on. Look at that and tell me the ship's exterior alone isn't enough to give you the shivers. The design of the ship inside and out was inspired by the Notre Dame cathedral, one of the most beautiful examples of Gothic architecture. Circular hallways, stained-glass windows. claustraphobic passages, geometrical infrastructure, spiked hallways and dizzying angles make the ship a character in itself. Add to that Adrian Biddle's lighting talents and you have yourself a fabulous haunted house in space. Look at the evidence below:


Yes, this is a computer render, but check out the shape of the vessel, enlongated, graceful cruciform structure- beautiful



One of my favourite set pieces- the core of the ship




                                                                   The Gore


The blood 'n' guts shed in this movie really does push the envelope. Keep in mind, this was made in 1997, when gore still had the capacity to shock audiences as opposed to these days when many horror films are saturated in the red stuff. Anderson purposely chose to apply a painter's eye to these sequences using inspiration from notable artists such as Bosch and Brughel on top of some old-fashioned ugliness. Although the nasty stuff such as the visions of Hell are on screen for only a few frames, if you pause and slow down your DVD, you are gonna see some truly sick stuff. Also, it's not just the visions of Hell that will make you wince- there is an incident involving a bloody long fall resulting in a pair of seriously broken legs. OUCH. If only Anderson and co. had used this flair for cruelty when making the Resident Evil films it may have made a little more of a difference.

                                                              WEEEEE!!!!!! :-DDDDDD




The Score

Not often do you get an amalgamation of classical and techno, but Michael Kamen and Orbital's score compliment the film surprisingly well. Those familiar with Anderson's choice of music in movies may be shocked when they hear an orchestral score playing in synch with the 'ints, ints, ints' that typically bombards his movies and trailers. Kamen and Orbital have managed to convey the sense of the future along with the haunting music similar to the soundtracks of the old Hammer films.

                                                                       
                                                                       The Budget


Admittedly, while this movie boasts quite a few excellent examples of practical and CGI effects, it wasn't made on a humungous Hollywood budget, which meant Anderson and co. really needed to distribute their funds thoughtfully when it came to the production of the movie. As a result, despite not having the luxury of a long production period (once again note this was made in '97) it really milked it's positives for all of their worth and they pay off. Anderson once said that the original cut was two hours (as opposed to the much brisker 90 minutes of the released version) and in narrative terms, it had a lot more meat (no pun intended). I dunno about you, but I wouldn't have minded being on that creepy ship for longer, but money and time being what it is in Movie Land, full creative control is a paradise that only the most biggest of cheeses can afford. Below are two sequences that were filmed but not included in the final version. If you ask me, it is a shame that they weren't kept, especially the first one: brrrrrr.

In closing, I would like to say this- Paul W.S Anderson is a terrible writer but he has the wit of a brilliant PR. He knows how to sell his movies and he knows what will catch an audience's eye even if it ultimately does not make a lick of sense. But, he is also quite talented at offering up spectacular visuals which can make or break a story. Event Horizon is a fine example of this, as is the underrated Soldier and the very fun Death Race. If the man is given explicit instructions about how a story can look, he has the potential to be a widely-regarded genre film maker. What I feel he needs to do is to stop taking part in the Resident Evil films and cast his net wider. This guy didn't direct commercials or music videos- he did go to film school, he studied the craft and believe it or not, he does have a broad knowledge of film and literature. Technically he could churn out crowd-pleaser after crowd-pleaser every year if he took advantage of his strengths and aknowledged his weaknesses by getting assistance in the form of other creative minds. Right now, he really needs to listen to the audience he has lost touch with because if he continues to go down this path, eventually Event Horizon will disappear just like the titular ship.

WAKE UP, ANDERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!